Self-Profiling

You have an internal profile of yourself that you carry around with you everyday.  The way that you go about your daily tasks and engage others is largely influenced by that internal profile.  That internal profile is made up three parts:

What you believe about yourself

What you think others believe about you

What you believe about others

Those three parts aren't equally weighted, mind you.  What you believe about yourself takes up the lion's share of your internal profile, followed by the next two parts which are nearly equally weighted to one another.  What you believe about yourself is actually connected to the outcome of the other two parts, and greatly influences how you move about the world.

Have you really asked yourself who you are?  What do you believe about yourself?  Those are two different questions, however related.  Far too many people go about life not really ever asking that question of themselves. 

Who am I? 
What do I stand for? 
Why am I different? 
What do I excel at? 
What are my strengths? 
How am I unique? 
What positive traits do I bring to the table?

Did you notice anything about those questions above?  It sounds a bit like a job interview, doesn't it?

When you walk into a job interview, your task is to sell yourself; to market all of the great qualities and skills that you've acquired through your diverse employment history.  It's essential to your livelihood to know what you're good at, and why you are valuable.  However, so many people carry around a negative self-profile.  Instead of the neutral/positive questions listed above, their internal self audit may sound something like this...

Why am I like this?
What is it about me that people don't like?
Why is my life so hard?
Who would ever find me valuable?
Why can't I find success?

The first list of neutral/positive questions are asked based on neutral/positive posturing without any wild assumptions.  The second list of questions is primarily based on non-factual, assumptive, toxic emotions rather than accurate data.

Why am I like this? - this question is based on the assumption that there is something especially terrible about you that is unique to you, and that unique terribleness creates confusion about who you are.

What is it about me that people don't like? - this questions is based on the wild assumption that you aren't likeable.  This is part of a victim profile that many people are challenged to distance themselves from.

Why is my life so hard?  - again, this question is based on a victim profile and makes the assumption that the difficulties of life are focused on you, and that you have no control over these obstacles, and truly have no choices.

Who would ever find me valuable?  - this questions is based on the wild assumption that you have no value, and that anyone who would find value in you is insane or easily discredited in some way...again, part of a victim mentality and quite toxic to your own goals and success.

Why can't I find success?  - this question is based on the premise that success is elusive, that it's not attainable for you, and when this mentality becomes a normal part of your self-profile, it becomes a self-fulfilled prophecy - meaning you seek behaviors, habits, and relationships that create this "truth".  

We all have challenges in life - and so often we spend more time comparing our sorrows and misgivings to others' which is truly a time and energy drain.  Obstacles aren't rare.  Roadblocks aren't less present in the lives of those we view as successful.  And challenges aren't unique - but people are.

Think of some of the most successful people you've ever heard of, and I guarantee you they've experienced some potentially soul-crushing losses and experiences along the way.  

Think of some of the most successful athletes you've ever watched play on television.  I promise you they've experienced utter devastation in their lives, maybe even during their rise to fame and success.

Think of the people that you constantly see on all the lists that are curated to highlight the wealthiest, most successful, (insert other accolades) and I'm here to tell you they've seen just as much heartache as you have, and maybe even more.

The reality is, no one knows what another person has been through.  Your setbacks shouldn't define your future success.  And your future success should only be defined by you.  Your pain and sorrow is valid for whatever your experiences have been.  The issue becomes detrimental when those valid emotions turn into a victim profile - it's one of the most difficult cycles of internal behaviors and habits to break.

The world is not against you.  You add value to the lives of others.  You are not a perpetual failure.  The lies that we tell ourselves only promote one thing - victimhood.  There's a way to break this cycle and create a new self-profile, but you have to want it enough to do the work.

When you create an accurate internal self-profile free from your toxic bias about yourself, you then begin to change the other two parts that I mentioned above:

What you think others believe about you
What you believe about others

Until you overhaul your self-profile, the answers to those questions will remain negative.

We can change it, though.

We can go from:

What you think others believe about you = they think I'm a failure, they see me as a miserable person, confrontational, angry, untrustworthy, and garbage

to:

What you think others believe about you = it's not my business what others think about me, but it's probably along the lines of strong, friendly, and honest.

We can go from:

What you believe about others = everyone is out to get me.  No one understands what I've been through, and they don't even care about me.

to:

What you believe about others = everyone has their own issues and mine are no better or worse than others'.  People are mostly good and the world is not my enemy.

In previous blog posts, I talked about intentions and manifestations.  This directly relates to self-profiling.  You have to start with the intention of a healthy self-profile.  And then you manifest it by learning new "little" habits, that then become new "big" habits.  Small thoughts create our profile, good or bad.  And those small thoughts become big drivers.  

Let's be sure that what's driving us is for our own health and well-being, and not to our detriment.

 

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